I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize