yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just cut my nipple shaving
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
a search helicopter?!
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
