There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
