It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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