he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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