Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
