Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
