There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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