I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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