If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
