Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
