I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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