Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
