What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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