If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
