his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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