I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
