Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
