it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Someone came in the potted fern
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
