dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
me + whiskey = a bad person
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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