You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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