I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
