someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Don't EVER smell your tampon
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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