if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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