Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
