i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
