i used baking grease as lip gloss
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
