too bad you live with your parents still
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Gay?
German.
Pity.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
