i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
