After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Hippo gnu deer
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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