I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
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I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
