you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
