So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
