Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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