we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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