i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
