You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
