i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
