Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
