I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
