I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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