Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
