Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
