I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
