That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
