i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
