i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
