woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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