you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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