Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize