Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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