dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
