honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
