C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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