My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
