College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
handjob tips. give me some.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
