Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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