yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize