I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize