I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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