he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
