Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
