i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
