I think I am morally bankrupt
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
