she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
A bitchslap is in order.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
